By Cornelius Drumpf, November 9, 2016
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK - At least six hundred Trump campaign staffers from every part of the country were crushed this morning at the realization that their vacations to 2014 Winter Olympics host Sochi, would be put on hold for the time being. Scheduled in June of 2015, the two-week excursion to the Rodina had to be canceled due to Donald Trump's victory in last night's presidential election. "Honestly, this was the only reason I came to work for the Trump campaign in the first place," said longtime coordinator Adam McKinnon. "I've always wanted to travel the world, so when Mr. Lewandowski told us we'd all get the chance to visit Sochi for free, of course I said yes! I figured it would just be an easy job for a few months; who could've thought Trump would win even a single primary?" Of course, now that the real estate mogul/TV personality/internet troll will indeed be president, Adam and his colleagues are obliged to continue their work for the time being. "It's just so crushing," said fellow staffer and man who peaked in high school Nathan Forrest. "I mean, sure I wanted Trump to win, but that trip to Russia meant so much more. Tours of the Olympic venues and horseback hunting with President Putin? What's not to like!?" Per a recent Washington Post report, each vacation package cost over $8,000, the equivalent of 50,000 rubles, all paid for by the Russian government. "I guess it's pretty ironic that Putin is the reason we had the chance to go to Sochi and is also the reason we had to cancel," said Forrest. "The man is my idol, and I'm so devastated he can't sign my copy of The Turner Diaries now." Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway could not be reached for comment on the Post report, but at press time had released a tweet reading "Hold This L" in all caps and proclaiming the news as more evidence of "the corruption and bias of the pitiful left-wing media."
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